


Say Something

by mystery_deer



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Marital Issues, some saaad stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 22:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18226367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystery_deer/pseuds/mystery_deer
Summary: Kevin is all, "Hey, man, I'm leaving for Paris," And I said, "Then go already. I don't care," but I do care, and now I'm like, "Where's Kevin?"- Raymond Holt (The Cruise)"Kevin and I are having a hard time right now. Whenever we talk, we fight. And I'm just afraid and just just afraid that if I go to Paris and we fight, then..."- Raymond Holt (Cheddar)





	Say Something

“I am sorry.”  
“Your apology has been heard.”  
“But not accepted?” Kevin continued to needlessly arrange the books. It was an arduous task considering their large…volume. Raymond sighed. Another marvelous quip wasted. “Ignoring me is childish and will not solve the problem.” He grumbled, walking into Kevin’s field of view. He rolled his eyes when he moved away to sort on the other side of the room without comment. 

“You are behaving outlandishly, if you would simply talk to me-” He was interrupted by a book that fell from a higher shelf as Kevin continued to rearrange them with swift efficiency that, under any other circumstance, would have drove Raymond wild with passion. Now it just made him slightly irritated. “Are you alright?” Kevin picked up the book and replaced it, not responding to Raymond’s inquiry. “…It was a mistake. I have apologized. If you would like me to leave then tell me by God but this silence is beneath you. Beneath us.” He waited again in vain for a response but got none. He massaged his temples, this was ridiculous.

“I didn’t mean to say it, you know that.” He paused. “You do know that, correct?” 

Kevin breathed and coughed softly. He looked up to examine the books on the highest level and blinked rapidly. “Dear…” he coughed again and reached up to wipe at his right eye. “I didn’t mean it-” Before Raymond could reiterate his point, Kevin left the room and began putting on his coat. “Kevin!” He followed hurriedly, reaching out and grabbing the other man’s arm who shook it off.  
“Kevin, Kevin calm down and just-”

“Now you want to me stay?” They both paused, Kevin facing the door and Raymond facing Kevin. His hand was still outstretched slightly, frozen. “I thought you could not wait until I was gone.”  
“I spoke without thinking-”  
“You have been doing that a lot lately. Maybe you should think about what you say, about our relationship and if you would like to continue it.” Raymond balked and his arm curled up, hand on his chest. On his heart. “I am going on a walk.”

“It is raining, this is not optimal conditions for a walk.”  
“How nice of you to care about my well being. I had thought you would relish in the idea of me getting soaked and perhaps top it off with a well timed lightning strike.”  
“I care about you Kevin. Do you honestly doubt that?”  
“You said that you could not wait for me to leave for France.” 

Kevin’s coat fell to the floor as he slumped, as if the memory pained him. He covered his mouth then uncovered it just as quickly. He sighed shallowly. “You said-”  
“Kevin-”  
“You said the sooner the better. Do you want to be rid of me so badly?” Raymond watched in horror as Kevin’s body lurched a bit, then stopped as he fought off despair. He despised himself, he hated this. This constant bickering, this hurt they kept inflicting on one another.  
“I-”  
Kevin picked his coat up from the floor and began putting it on, reached out to open the front door, to walk out. 

He was impeded by Raymond’s arms around him. Holding him close. He dropped his own arms to his sides and didn’t resist, keeping his eyes on the door. “I am sorry.”  
“I know.”  
“I am sorry for making you feel that I did not care for you. I care for you more than I could possibly say.” 

“I care for you as well Raymond.” Kevin intoned, remembering the unbearable waiting when his husband was sent away. Ripped from him with no warning and no promise of return. He remembered how cold the house felt, how big the bed was. Raymond remembered his own ‘home’ (he refused to call it that in his own head, it was not a home to him.) He remembered the heat bearing down on him no matter where he was, the long days dragging on aimlessly. They both remembered the ache that hadn’t gone away until they’d seen each other, until they’d held each other once again.

“Please do not apologize to me again.” Kevin said, voice trying to be airy despite his waterlogged tone as he pieced himself together. “We should just, leave each other to calm down. We obviously do not want to be around one another.” Raymond opened his mouth to protest but closed it as Kevin continued to speak. 

“It feels like you came back…out of sync. It feels like you are not my Raymond any longer.” Kevin admitted, and Raymond felt his heart shatter. “I understand that you care for me. I care for you as well. But it is not…enough. We fight all the time despite our care for each other, that should not be the case.” He gently moved out of Raymond’s embrace and didn’t look back, couldn’t bear the look on his face. He knew he’d hurt him and it made him feel miserable. Made a small part of him feel grimly satisfied, and that was the worst of it all. 

Without another word Kevin opened the door, and began walking. 

Raymond stared ahead, the ache was back. He felt out of control, like he was being torn apart from the inside out. With great difficulty he forced himself to move from the spot, to go back into the empty house and do something, anything to take his mind off of the storm building inside of him. 

He paused. “Oh.” He breathed, eyes stinging. He reached down and brought up Kevin’s umbrella. “You forgot it.” He muttered to himself, bringing it closer to him. He stayed quiet, the house was so quiet now. 

The ache grew stronger.


End file.
